Known

During my time in DTS (Discipleship Training School) I learned that the deepest desire of anyone is be fully loved and fully known. But those two don't usually go together, it's usually a one or the other situation. We all have the fear of being fully known, because we want to be fully loved. When I say fully, I mean heart, soul, and mind are open. Let's take a surgery analogy. You're under anesthesia, not knowing what's going on, but they are opening you up. You are trusting they are doing what they said they would before you went under. You trust that once they open you up, they aren't going to back down, no matter what's inside you, no matter how broken you are. God is the surgeon, he's opening you up, from head to toe, nothing is left unexposed, and He has promised you beforehand to fix everything that is broken, no matter how broken it is. 

We humans can love to the best of our abilities, but it will fail. Every relationship, friends, family, romantic, marriage, will fail. There's no exception, because we humans are imperfect. Bringing two imperfections together won't make the relationship perfect. In every relationship, we try to fix the other person, or ourselves, because there's something that isn't accepted in society, there's a little quirk the other person doesn't like, so they want to fix that, so you become more likable. I admit fault to that. If there's something I don't like about myself, or someone see as a flaw, immediately I try to fix it, so they can like me better. Or I will try to fix another person because, maybe I don't like a quirk they have. 

Needless to say, we like to fix things. But we have to realize that 1. God made everyone a certain way, the quirks you don't like, may be the characteristic God wants highlighted. 2. We can't fix people. 3. God is the only one who can heal and fix our brokenness. 

If we aren't trying to fix it, we are hiding it. This is where I excel at. Out of fear of not being loved, we will just show aspects that we think are likable. This means we are being loved for what we allow them to see, it has its conditions. God has no conditions. He isn't going to say "Oh I don't love you because you're not a certain race. Because you belong to a certain socioeconomic class. Because you don't have a 401(k), because you don't have a 5 year life plan. Because you did this with someone." The list can go on, but needless to say, there are no conditions for Him. Nothing will scare Him away. It's hard to comprehend, especially if in your life everyone has ran away, or you're hiding things because you know others won't accept you. 

It's a matter of trusting God. May be one of the hardest things we can do, but it will be one of the best things we can ever do. 

We all want to be fully known and fully loved. It's what we strive for, we date to test waters and see how much they can handle knowing about you, while loving you. But the sooner we all, I included, can realize no human being could ever fully know and fully love us, the sooner we can realize we need to rely on God. Because he's the ONLY one who can Fully Know and Fully Love us. 

This is a Song about being Fully Known and Fully Known, hopefully it's encouraging. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xckDgX8xNfg

What's Your Story?

During my time at DTS, we learned about stories and different parts of a story. Every story has a background/setting, character, conflict, and resolution. We each have a story. 

What’s your setting? What’s your background? Because you were added to a story. The setting includes location, family, friends, values. Whose story were you added to? What’s the history? 

My setting? I was abandoned by my birth parents, adopted into the Rhea family, so there are two separate stories I’ve entered into. 1 story I don’t know about and the second story, I have truly become apart of. My mom has a different story than my Dad and different settings. It goes on and on. Each person in the family has a different setting, but we have all come together as 1 family, and that’s the story. Which leads to the next section. 

Then who are you’re characters? Who’s apart of this story? There are different types of characters in a story, spectators, victims, villains, and heroes. Which character are you playing? We’ve each played each character at least once in our life. There are characters God has called us into,  for some God wants us to be the ‘rescuers’ for those who are stuck in the victim stage. God also uses each character to better the story. The victims are the ones who come out to be heroes or villains, their pain and suffering can be used for good or for bad. 

Then there’s the conflict, the heart of any good story, the reason why a story is a story. Because there is brokenness in us, we can relate to others brokenness. One of the main points from the lecture was, “our pain points to our purpose.”  We all go through pain and suffering, its inevitable, what tells the story is HOW we use that pain. This is the part where we can choose to be heroes or villains. Externally and internally. Personal example, my brother was brutally murdered and then shortly after my grandparents had died. I could be bitter, be angry, but I’ve been able to use that pain and suffering to help relate to others who have gone through similar events. Lastly, the conflict helps shapes the character. Romans 5:3b-4 puts it well “we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope” 

Then lastly, the resolution. The conflicts produce wounds, now how do we turn those wounds into scars? One of the methods is going in steps like this.

1. Name It
2. Embrace It
3. Forgive It
4. Use it

First, 2 steps are relatively easy, and once taken it starts the process. The hardest part, at least for me, is the forgiveness part. Without forgiveness, we have bitterness, that bitterness just stays. An analogy is if someone falls and scrapes their knee. First, two steps are just realizing you got injured. Forgiveness stage could be parallel to putting on the ointment and band-aid, then letting it heal. Without the bandage and ointment, then it may get infected and become worse than it actually is. That’s the bitterness part that comes without forgiveness. It’s hard to forgive. My brother was murdered, yet I’m called to forgive the murderer. I’m still working on that part and it's going to be a process. But once that wound has turned into a scar, I get to look back on it, and yes it will be painful, but its a testimony. 

Scars aren’t meant to represent that you have it all together and that it isn’t going to hurt. Scars is a representation of what you’ve gone through, your story. It shows that you’ve gone through pain and suffering and didn’t let it overcome you, but you overcame it. Take charge of your story. The setting part of the story isn’t controllable and neither is the conflict that comes your way. Its how you respond. What are you going to do with the unexpected? 

Who are you? What’s your story? 

Take Courage

Waiting…. why is waiting so hard. Waiting for food, grades, relationships, guidance, whatever it is. Nobody wants to wait, that's why we have all these mobile apps to order food or drinks, drive thru’s, fast food restaurants. We compromise quality and value when we don’t wait. 

Applying this to real life. When we rush into something, we compromise quality, virtue, sometimes we compromise beliefs. Recently I jumped into a relationship with someone that I knew, I knew it was wrong, and that I would be compromising my beliefs for, but I didn’t want to wait. God will guide you on the right path, however, if you press to get on another path, He is so gracious and merciful, he is going to let you have your way. 

There is this song called Take Courage by Bethel Music. There’s this line “He’s in the waiting” God is in the waiting. It’s in the waiting that we need to lean on to God the most. Those are the times where we need to Trust. And of course, being human, trust is something hard to give away, even though we know the person we are giving it to will NEVER fail us. These are the times we hold on to the Truths, hold on to Hope, hold on to Love. Because pain and suffering wasn't the end of Jesus' story and it won't be the end of ours. God's Righteousness and Justice always win. 

"God’s order in the Cosmos is a Comfort because it will not always be this way" - Pastor Glenn Packiam

Take Courage.